Defying Gravity

I have a hard time expressing myself through written language, and an even harder time expressing myself through oral language. Music is my preferred method of expression. No matter what mood I am in, no matter what emotion I want to convey, I can usually find a song that expresses my feelings much better than I could do on my own. I don't know if this is a good thing or possibly unhealthy, but it’s the way I am, and I enjoy it.

Well, when I think about my dating life, unfortunately the best songs to express my "situation" are usually the depressing songs. "On My Own" from Les Miserables, "I Know the Truth" from Aida, or "I'm Not that Girl" from Wicked. Yes, that is my dating life. Being alone and being the one whose heart is broken from unrequited love. Granted, I've had to break a few hearts myself, which is never fun, but the long standing trend is never finding anyone who cares for me in the same way that I care for them.

However, the other day I was listening to the song "Defying Gravity," also from Wicked. I absolutely love the lyrics:

Something has changed within me,
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

So if you care to find me,
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

I love the part, "And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free." Yes, I might have a sparse dating life, and of the dates I've been on, most fall into the "bad date" category. But, at least I'm not tied down in a bad relationship. While I don't want to be forever single, I definitely think that being single and happy is a much better situation than being married to a man who doesn't love me for who I am. So, I will continue to fly solo, and that is okay.